You are not fu*ked

You are not fu*cked, I remember how grateful I was to hear those four sweet words when I sat down with a sports psychologist post the Rio Olympics.

Turns out that I was merely navigating a life transition to keep rowing or retire and was feeling anxious and depressed because I was busy avoiding the discomfort of a life transition. So what is a life transition you ask? 

It’s anything in your life where you move from something known into something unknown. It could a career change, relationship shift, moving somewhere new or personal growth. Think of it like you are standing on a jetty. One foot is on stable land that is known and certain and what your brain craves. Your other foot is on a boat sailing to where you want to go. It's moving towards your goals and dreams which are not yet known and what your brain doesn’t like. As the boat starts to take off you get stretched straddling the old and familiar and the new and unknown. 

That was me, it sucked, I doubted myself and in the moment I felt trapped, stuck and alone as I couldn’t work out how to move forward. That was until my psychologist gave me this three step process that I have continued to use over and over to get myself unstuck and moving forward. 

Here’s the thing about the process: if we don’t get comfortable with the discomfort now then you will continue to avoid the uncomfortable, trapping yourself in a life of discomfort. 

The three steps are shift, approach, align. 

 1️⃣Shift from beating yourself up with negative self-talk to talking to yourself like you would your best friend. Notice you might be scared and fearful. Give yourself the compassion to feel that and know it is normal - without it you wouldn’t actually be going through a transition. 

2️⃣Approach the discomfort. When we avoid discomfort we actually allow it to grow. Think of the last time you watched a scary movie and tried to avoid it but it actually felt scarier. When we turn towards the uncomfortable with courage we have the opportunity to learn from our emotions.

3️⃣Align your values and your actions. Behind our uncomfortable emotions are unmet values and by turning towards those values and defining them you create space to live a value driven life. Look for opportunities in your life where you can thrive again and create actions that start to align with your values. 

For me, post the Olympics when I was stuck this process literally saved me and allowed me to let go of my identity as an Olympian and to step into a new life transition embracing everything in front of me as opposed to holding onto the past. 

Feeling stuck doesn’t have to rule your life. By facing the discomfort head on you can choose to move towards your dreams and your goals. 

P.S in case you haven't heard it this week you are awesome and may you have all the energy and tools you need to be the best version of you. X