Is comparison robbing you of your happiness?
Teddy Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy”. So true, every time I compare myself to someone else, especially on social or at work it robs me of my satisfaction.
What I’ve learnt about comparison is that it’s a fundamental human need… what the? Yip, turns out our brains have figured out that easiest way to evaluate how we think, behave and act is against others. The crappy thing about this is we are conditioned to measure our worth from our perception of how others perceive us not how we see ourselves.
But it’s not all bad news, now you know this you can do something about it. Phew! Oh, and one more thing before we get practical, there are two kinds of comparison. Upwards and downwards comparison. Upwards comparison is comparison we are most familiar with. We do it with people who we perceive to be more experienced and above us - generally this is where the crappy “not good enough” feeling come from. You know the type where you say, “why can’t I be like her?” or “she had it easy”. Downwards comparison is when we compare to the people who we perceive to be less experienced or below us. This type of comparison can be helpful, especially if we compare to our earlier selves. Doing this reminds us how much we have grown and how far we have come.
So how do we shake of this fundamental human need? Well, a nice but slightly kick in the butt reminder is “you are going to keep comparing someone else’s highlight reel to your behind the scenes unless you start working on your behind the scenes”. Ouch… and hey it gives us somewhere to start!
Here are two steps you can take right now to shrink self-comparison.
Understand your strengths.. To re-focus on your strengths start by asking a handful of people closest to you “when was a specific time you saw me at my best?”. Take note of these times and start to identify themes. From these themes identify one or two small steps you can take to utilise your strengths. When I completed this exercise a few weeks ago I was amazed at what people said and it was like someone had lite a wee fire inside me and it has 100% helped keep me in my lane.
Have a real conversation with someone. Our highlight reels and Instagram are not reality! Let me say that again “they are not reality”. When we have a real conversation with people we hear their pain, struggles and determination and realise we are much more like them and they probably didn’t have it easy. Next time you feel comparison creeping in get curious and ask about that person’s experience and journey.
Comparison will always be there, but you can shrink it to a place where it stops impacting your confidence and happiness.
If you want to dig deeper on removing comparison and increasing your confidence in your career, take at the fulfillment in career group coaching program.